I'll stop eating meat when you give up water.

PETA. What to say? I think they are a fine group of individuals who have a great goal with nothing but the best interests of all our planets precious organisms at heart.

...I can't do it. I think we all need to show them how its done. They do everything from spilling animal blood and paint on people who wear fur to burning down research facilities. Well let me tell you, their doing it wrong. Quite frankly, I'm shocked Americans, being the altruistic and all loving people that we are, haven't busted a cap in the ass of every PETA member, starting with Ingrid Newkirk (president of PETA). Next time they burn down a building, or ruin my new slippers made of a baby panda we need to nuke their headquarters in Norfolk Virginia because who doesn't enjoy big explosions? Even better than most big explosions are ones that leave the survivors more deformed than the animals they try to protect. Then in our final act of pure irony we eat the remaining PETA members in place of meat at our next meal.

Did you know they are trying to change the name of fish to "sea kitten"? They think it'll make people less likely to eat fish if they remind them of a pet. Well they obviously aren't thinking about the very large group of people who dine on their own pets for sustenance, because they obviously haven't tasted the juicy joy one feels when cracking open a kitten bone for the tasty marrow inside.

So I'm giving everyone a homework assignment. It is now every one's job to feed one vegetarian meat, and not to tell them about it until after they have eaten at least one full serving of it. After they eat it, you must ask if they enjoyed it, they will obviously say yes, because only gay people don't like meat. Then we will all laugh in their face because they're obviously a hypocrite and will feel so guilty about eating meat they will do one of two things. They will either go on a meat binge to make up for all the meaty meals they lost during their vegetarianism, or commit suicide. Any one of these two options is favorable because they both mean that there is one less vegetarian in the world, and therefore one more American in the world. Or at the very least, one less Communist.