I have fixed our economy. And destroyed the rest of the worlds. But thats their problem.

The United States is currently over 11 trillion dollars in debt. Thats 11 with twelve zeros, 14 if you go after the decimal point. I have come up with the most ingenious way to fix this problem. Borrow more money. When we borrow money, the lending country's economy inflates, which means that in their country the value of an individual dollar goes up, but their money overall on a global scale is worth less than before. So my plan is we borrow them until they are bankrupt. Once they have almost no money left, their economy will be in worse shape than ours because they'll have no money, and we'll have all of theirs. Then we use all our money internally and keep it away from the other countries so all they can do is make more currency, thus ruining their economy even further by flooding it with new money. So basically, we keep borrowing money, borrow so much money from other countries until they refuse to let us borrow more, and then continue borrowing anyway.

Now, you're probable asking why they would lend us all this money, or at least why they would give us money after it started hurting them even a little. But what you are failing to keep in mind is that we are America. And America doesn't care what the world thinks, because we are obviously better than them and much more badass. I mean, what other country is so badass that they get 11 trillion in debt, and still are the most powerful country in the world? That's right, none of them. And if any country complains, I have a nuke the shape of a penis with their name on it. Better, I have over 9,000 nukes with the rest of the world's name on it. So try to stop us from "borrowing" all that money. Do it, you won't. (See, I told you they wouldn't, if they had, you wouldn't be reading this.) And as far as paying all this money back, need I direct you once again to the We're-American-so-we-do-what-we-want Clause? So in short, we won't pay you back, because the money was ours to begin with. All property of the world is that of the United States, that's just common knowledge. So in short, to the other countries in the world, give us your money, and enjoy your AIDS.

The Indians (American ones, not fix your computer ones) should assimilate or die.

Indians, Native Americans, whatever you want to call them, have been in North America for thousands of years. They are a proud people, and have achieved lives of almost perfect harmony with nature in the past, and they deserve to die now, just as they did then.

They were total pansies, and then we try to a good deed and civilize them, and what do those sons of bitches do? They try to kill us. So what if their families have lived there for thousands of years? There was gold on the land they lived in, and gold is the property of white men, no matter where it is, or who supposedly "owns" it. And only one man had the balls to do what needed to be done, and yes, I am referring to President Andrew Jackson. He kicked the Cherokee off of our gold, and put them where they belong, out of our way. So what if the Supreme Court said we didn't have the right to, word on the street is Cheif Justice John Marshall liked little Indians boys if you know what I'm saying.

And then, when we finally try to move farther west, they have the audacity to try to fight us, on the grounds that we moved them there and signed treaties saying so. What they forgot is what I like to call the We're-American-so-we-do-what-we-want clause, so even the western land they lived on was undisputably ours.

And in all fairness to us killing them, they never took the time to invent guns. And we all know that if you don't invent means of efficiently killing people that you deserve to die. So here's the scoop, either you Indians finally accept our gracious offers and start acting like Americans and move off these "reservations", or go find the smallpox infested blankets your ancestors used during the French and Indian war that Lord Jeffrey Amherst generously provided you as a symbol of peace. And yet, despite this offering, you guys still seem to harbor some sort of grudge. I guess some people just don't know how to be grateful...