I have fixed our economy. And destroyed the rest of the worlds. But thats their problem.

The United States is currently over 11 trillion dollars in debt. Thats 11 with twelve zeros, 14 if you go after the decimal point. I have come up with the most ingenious way to fix this problem. Borrow more money. When we borrow money, the lending country's economy inflates, which means that in their country the value of an individual dollar goes up, but their money overall on a global scale is worth less than before. So my plan is we borrow them until they are bankrupt. Once they have almost no money left, their economy will be in worse shape than ours because they'll have no money, and we'll have all of theirs. Then we use all our money internally and keep it away from the other countries so all they can do is make more currency, thus ruining their economy even further by flooding it with new money. So basically, we keep borrowing money, borrow so much money from other countries until they refuse to let us borrow more, and then continue borrowing anyway.

Now, you're probable asking why they would lend us all this money, or at least why they would give us money after it started hurting them even a little. But what you are failing to keep in mind is that we are America. And America doesn't care what the world thinks, because we are obviously better than them and much more badass. I mean, what other country is so badass that they get 11 trillion in debt, and still are the most powerful country in the world? That's right, none of them. And if any country complains, I have a nuke the shape of a penis with their name on it. Better, I have over 9,000 nukes with the rest of the world's name on it. So try to stop us from "borrowing" all that money. Do it, you won't. (See, I told you they wouldn't, if they had, you wouldn't be reading this.) And as far as paying all this money back, need I direct you once again to the We're-American-so-we-do-what-we-want Clause? So in short, we won't pay you back, because the money was ours to begin with. All property of the world is that of the United States, that's just common knowledge. So in short, to the other countries in the world, give us your money, and enjoy your AIDS.

How the hell did our oil get under their sand?

I for one am a fan of oil. My car runs with gas, which is made of oil, I use plastic, which is made of part oil, much of my electricity is derived from oil, hell, I love oil so much I even fertilize my lawn with used motor oil. (It has to be healthy, right? I mean, the stuff came from the ground anyway...) If I could, I would even bathe in oil. The United States consumes approximately 1/4 of the world's oil. I want to know why the hell 75% of our oil is used by people who aren't us. Now I don't know how our oil got under their sand, I'm not a geologist. But what I do know is that we need to make sure we get all of it, and use it before the other people, namely the communists and terrorists, get the chance to. If America isn't the one to use the oil, no one should be. So my proposition is that we bomb all the oilfields in the Middle East, and while we're at it, the rest of the world, that don't export all of their production to America and its allies. But before you get all pissy at me for being violent, I suggest we peacefully suggest that they start exporting it to us, then threaten them and their families with death if they refuse. And as for rising oil prices, I say we just stop paying, and kill anyone who complains. After all, this is America, and if other countries won't serve us, they deserve to die, just like the indians did.