If there is one thing that convinces me of the decline of civilization, it is the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer. After reading only the first book of her series and seeing the Twilight movie, I feel obligated to eat a steak and punch a baby just so I can feel manly again. The "vampire" Edward has got to be the biggest pansy ever to tarnish the reputation of genuine, hardworking vampires who drink the blood of small children for fun, as they should. One would think that being a vampire automatically gives one the title of licensed badass, but no, Edward makes one of the coolest things ever seem gay. Before Twilight, every guy wished for the kickass, care about no one but yourself lifestyle of a vampire, but now it seems every girl wishes her boyfriend was just like Edward. Well let me tell you I slapped that idea right out of my girlfriend.
Seriously, when did it become not only socially acceptable, but encouraged, for vampires to become vegitarian. If I was a vampire, I would personally murder every vegitarian vampire I saw. And what's the deal with the sparkly skin? It just gets gayer and gayer by the minute. And I don't mean to flame gays, I hold them in a much higher regard than Twilight. At the very least most homosexuals don't make me want to kill myself by their mere existence.
In the Twilight books, she didn't make vampires, she made what she wishes her boyfriend/husband was like by giving them almost every power they possibly could contain, and still have Edward be a total pansy. If I were Edward, the minute I saw Bella, I would have bit her in the neck and taken a sip of her blood the minute I saw her, and not drink it all at once, but sit there in his science class casually sipping the rest of her blood until class was over, daring anyone to do anything. I would rob a bank, infiltrate the white house, or at the very least kill Stephanie Meyer for butchering the idea of vampires. Any of these would be 100x cooler than what Edward does, but then again watching paint dry is above Edward on the coolness scale.
This is what happens when you let women think, they start wanting pansies for boyfriends, and these fictional characters give live men bad names. Someone really needs to push Meyer off of a very tall cliff, just so she learns there won't be a magical "vampire" at the bottom waiting to catch her because his sole purpose in life is to serve her, or at the very least someone should give her an old fasioned belt beating. Damn it, females like her encourage other females to think, and we all no that never leads to anything but them wanting to cuddle more. I miss the good ol' days where they knew their place and seldom talked, let alone wrote books. Eh, that's what we get for letting them get an education.
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oh twilight, how i hate you so. ruining the awesome image of vampires that was instilled into me since well, forever. honestly the count from sesame street is more of a hardass than edward, and thats not saying very much at all. i mean the man counts for a living (hence the count). but still, he actually has that as a job, unlike edward who merely sits there and twiddles his twat to the thought of bella, who in all honesty is not that attractive, shes like the dorky school girl who can be mildy attractive only after i have downed roughly a bottle or 4 of russian vodka. thank you stephanie meyer for ruining a honest man whore like me who relied on the old technique of "I'm a badass, check me out, look at my abs, i have money, i get paid to shoot terrorists all day and love it, routine." stephanie meyer, i hate you. now i have to show these "feelings" to women, but since i am a man and do not have feelings (I have no ovaries, they are the things that produce feelings) i have to just keep passing the female units immense ammounts of alcohol until i can recieve the untimate reward for my efforts.
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